Author’s Note: If you have not read the first post in this series then all the rest will make no sense at all. Please click here to take a quick look at Just Write Something Damnit! — Day 1I do not look back at the previous post while writing the current one, nor do I spend any time planning for the next one before I begin it. Those are the rules of this series of 365 posts, and I am sticking to them. It is really hard to write in the moment. It is also somewhat freeing. Not looking back would probably not be a problem for most people. I have such a terrible memory though that it is entirely possible I will completely repeat myself at some point (maybe more than once!) during this challenge. I hope you will forgive me this indulgence. It is important to me and also fits in with the driving force behind the current incarnation of this site. I am trying to share myself and find some way to connect spiritually with the world around me. Sometimes I find it hard to leave my room and this lets me get out there in some small way.
Author’s Note: If you have not read the first post in this series then all the rest will make no sense at all. Please click here to take a quick look at Just Write Something Damnit! — Day 1I want you to be uncomfortable with yourself…to writhe in your own skin. Life has been trying to make you feel that way since the beginning and you have resisted. You have stonewalled at every step. You have fought for your normalcy and average standing. Every time strange or unusual or out of the ordinary pops up you fuck it back into the darkness with time-honored tradition and the way of the world. Stop. Think. Act. …like the blessed soul you are …like the unique piece of the ultimate puzzle that you are …like the king or queen, not the pawn Stop, think and act like you give more than no fucks about this amazing existence we are a part of. Do something strange or unusual or out of the ordinary. Do something to bring light to the world.
Thinking About DeathThe combination of morbid creativity and extreme anxiety that powers the mainframe I call a mind
Suicide?I have considered the merits of types of suicide (that’s another story, for another day) as well as accidents and diseases. My imagination is high powered and my dreams even more so. The combination has allowed me to explore the
The Best Way To DieI am probably a part of the majority when I say that I have always considered dyeing in my sleep to be the best way to go. The assumptions I base that on are that it is painless and unexpected. Critical thinking is a bitch though, and I have recently come up with a couple of reasons why even the (seemingly) sublime thought of slipping away in the dead of night could be just as terrible as all the alternatives: 1) It is always assumed that dyeing in our sleep is painless. I think that assumption comes from the fact that no-one is there to witness it. We wake up (or walk into the room the next day) to find our loved one dead and automatically assume that they just slipped silently away into the great beyond. Is that the truth or the tale we tell ourselves to cope with our own personal loss. 2) The older I have gotten the more I have come to firmly believe that we implicitly know when our time has come. If that is true then there is no ‘unexpected’ death. Even if it is just a fleeting moment—we know when the time has come.
A Bug’s DeathWhat’s the point,
Author’s Note: If you have not read the first post in this series then all the rest will make no sense at all. Please click here to take a quick look at Just Write Something Damnit! — Day 1
There have been times in my life that I have considered myself to be dead inside. I have been to funerals of loved ones that elicited the same emotional reaction as classes I attended in college—it wasn’t bad or good…just was.
There have also been times when the slightest emotional stimulus ripped me open wide. I could be watching a tender moment in a sitcom and suddenly find my face soaked with tears.
Results of my Mania?
I assume these two opposites to be results of my mania. The strange thing is that when I look back at these examples, and my state of mind at the time, I recall being happy overall in both instances. When I look back at times that my emotional reactions were ‘appropriate’ those moments all seem to be framed in times of great sadness. Does that mean that my emotional baseline—the conditions under which I react the most socially ‘appropriate’—is sadness? That’s a sad thought.