Just Write Something Damnit! — Day 37

Just Write Something Damnit! — Day 37

This entry is part 30 of 32 in the series Just Write Something Damnit!
Author’s Note: If you have not read the first post in this series then all the rest will make no sense at all. Please click here to take a quick look at Just Write Something Damnit! — Day 1

Remington Standard Typewriter on desk with blank page

Thinking About Death

The combination of morbid creativity and extreme anxiety that powers the mainframe I call a mind affords me plenty of (unwanted) opportunities to consider how I want to die when it is my time to do so. Not that we have a choice, but I think I would probably be right in assuming that every one of us has—at one time or another—considered one type of demise preferable to another.  

Suicide?

I have considered the merits of types of suicide (that’s another story, for another day) as well as accidents and diseases. My imagination is high powered and my dreams even more so. The combination has allowed me to explore the feelings and emotions of the end in ways that most could not even fathom.  

The Best Way To Die

I am probably a part of the majority when I say that I have always considered dyeing in my sleep to be the best way to go. The assumptions I base that on are that it is painless and unexpected. Critical thinking is a bitch though, and I have recently come up with a couple of reasons why even the (seemingly) sublime thought of slipping away in the dead of night could be just as terrible as all the alternatives: 1) It is always assumed that dyeing in our sleep is painless. I think that assumption comes from the fact that no-one is there to witness it. We wake up (or walk into the room the next day) to find our loved one dead and automatically assume that they just slipped silently away into the great beyond. Is that the truth or the tale we tell ourselves to cope with our own personal loss. 2) The older I have gotten the more I have come to firmly believe that we implicitly know when our time has come. If that is true then there is no ‘unexpected’ death. Even if it is just a fleeting moment—we know when the time has come.  

A Bug’s Death

What’s the point, Dave? Glad you asked. I was driving home from Pennsylvania today contemplating death. It is a terrible thing to do when you are driving 65 miles an hour in a large piece of metal and glass on a road filled with potholes and surrounded by assholes that are just trying to get to their 4th of July party before all the beer is gone. That being said, I am an asshole too and that is exactly what I was doing. The anxiety was really starting to affect me when all of a sudden SPLAT! A huge bug exploded on my windshield right at eye level. It was in that moment that I decided that—if I had my druthers, and the power to decide how I was going to go—I would be a bug, on a highway, on a windshield.
3 Ways Driving For Uber & Lyft Can Benefit You Spiritually

3 Ways Driving For Uber & Lyft Can Benefit You Spiritually

Two roads image for the post 3 Ways Driving For Uber & Lyft Can Benefit You Spiritually

3 Ways Driving For Uber & Lyft Can Benefit You Spiritually

 
First up in the ‘Two Sides To Every Story’ series is a list of 3 ways driving for Uber & Lyft can benefit you spiritually. I have personally been driving for both companies for over three years now. I’ll tell you why and how I began doing so in the upcoming post about the material benefits. The following spiritual benefits have presented themselves repeatedly over the last three years. They form the crux of the amazing spiritual lottery I find myself in every time I turn on the app to drive for Uber or Lyft.
 

#1 – The Right Conversation At The Right Time

 
This one never ceases to amaze me and seems to happen at least twice a week or more. When you open yourself spirituallyinvite God into your life, and operate in complete faith that Gods guidance will see you through everything, opportunities for guidance aboundThis manifests itself when I pick up a passenger who has undoubtedly been sent to me with a message that I needed to hear.
 
The situation is never subtle—always specific. The passenger always initiates the conversation. It seems completely out of the blue and has nothing whatsoever to do with the current situation (ie destination, weather, pick up location, etc). It has everything to do with some abstract spiritual notion I had been meditating upon in the days or weeks leading up to this particular ride. I have had some of the most fantastic and inspirational conversations of my life with total strangers sitting in the back seat of my car! Quantum physics, Kabbalah, and the similarities between the two—I have had that conversation. It’s one example of a conversation that had no place happening on a 30 minute Uber ride—but did!
 

#2 – Opportunites To Help Others Abound

 
I learned one very important universal truth when I opened myself spirituallyhelping others is the key to every good thing in this life. I don’t mean helping when the opportunity presents itself but seeking out—even asking for—occasions upon which I can have a positive effect on someone other than myself.
 
Driving for Uber & Lyft is the perfect vehicle (pun intended) for putting myself in that position as often as possible. 2 things make this so:
 
  1. Driving around for hours on end will have the effect of bringing you into contact with others who need help. Whether it is a passenger in need of an ear to listen or a car with a flat on the side of the road—there is never a shortage of people in need.
  2. My schedule is exactly that—MY schedule. I work when I want, and can turn the app off at any time with no consequence except the potential for missed income. If a passenger needs to talk for a bit after the ride has concluded I can listen. If there is something I can do for them above and beyond the ride itself, I have the freedom to do so. I am not bound by time or location. helping someone on the side of the road is a simple matter of turning the app off and doing the right thing.
 

#3 – Getting Lost To Find Out Where You Are

 
This is the most abstract of the 3 ways that driving for Uber & Lyft can benefit you spiritually. Did you ever have a moment where the only way to keep it all together was to leave and wander the streets of your neighborhood for a bit? Maybe you were arguing with a loved one and the only way to avoid saying something that would change life forever was to walk out the door? Or the ho and hum of the everyday material world was too much and you needed to get in the car and drive?
 
The very nature of driving for Uber & Lyft puts you in that freeing state of not knowing where you will be next the moment you turn on the app. Every time the app beeps your possibilities expand. You have no idea who you are about to pick up, and no clue about where their journey will take you. For some—those bound by the material need to control their situation—this can be stressful. If you are mindful of the fact that the possibilities are endless—and opportunities are what you make of them—every set of rides can be a wondrous spiritual adventure.
 

Conclusion

 
Driving for Uber & Lyft has its downsides to be sure. Every job does. The upsides outweigh the down though—especially if you are considering the spiritual benefits as well as the materialRelax. Seize every opportunity to help, to grow, and to experience the limitless possibilities that present themselves when you put yourself out there.
 
If you are interested in driving for either service please consider clicking the links below. They are my referral links and I get paid (one of the many benefits I will cover in the upcoming post regarding the material benefits of driving for Uber & Lyft) for every driver that signs up through them.

Drive For Uber

Drive For Lyft

Manic Panic

Manic Panic

Storm Before the Calm

Storm Before the Calm

Panic Without a Prelude

 

Panic attacks are like the first blustery wind of an unexpected storm. They come from nowhere, with no warning, and no indication of how long they will last, or how severe they will be. It can happen anywhere, or anytime. You can be in the worst of moods, or the best—it does not matter.

When it happens it is like somebody flicked the lights off and then used the cover of darkness to punch you in the gut. I understand that’s an odd analogy, but it is exactly how it feels.

 

Wrong Without Warning

 

Imagine you are moving along through your day and (without warning) everything is suddenly wrong. You can’t move forward. You can’t move backward. All you can do is stand there and wonder what happened. You feel nauseous because you cannot put your finger on it, and you know the people around you can see something is wrong. You know that someone will ask you if you are okay—and you will say “yes”. You are not, but it does not matter because you couldn’t explain what was wrong if you wanted to.

The feeling of helplessness is vicious and feeds upon itself. Your heart rate increases, palms start to sweat, your chest tightens up, and a little voice in the back of your head tells you that you’re having a heart attack. The rational side of you says you’re not, but the truth is there’s no way to be sure. The lack of certainty sends your thoughts spinning. Should you go to the hospital? If it is a heart attack would you make it in time? If it’s not will the doctor’s laugh at you? Does your daughter know how much you love her? Will she be okay when you’re gone?

Each thought cripples you a little more. It’s a cascade of irrationality fueled by the reality that all of the things you are thinking—while maybe not true in this exact moment—are completely plausible possibilities. People die of sudden, massive, heart attacks every day. Why not you? Why not today?

 

My Panic, Not Yours

 

This is what a panic attack usually feels like to me. If you see me standing stuck in a moment this is what’s going on in my head. I do not know if it is the same for everyone. For me the attacks vary by degrees—sometimes they are small and last seconds, other times they are massive and consume my day. They were less severe when I was younger, and have grown exponentially over the past couple of years.

Oddly enough, the heart attack scenario represents the best case for me. Arguing with myself whether or not I am having a heart attack is at least tangible. Sometimes, the attacks do not present a reason for attacking. Sometimes they are just a sudden onset of terror and an inexplicable surety that everything is not okay. There is no discernible cause—just a hopelessly empty feeling and sudden desire to be anywhere other than where I am. I have left family events, work, even dates when one of these empty moments struck. I have had times when even the company of the person I love most in this world—my daughter—was not enough to make me feel anything other than lost.

 

Bubble, Bubble, Toil, and Trouble

 

I do not exist in a bubble. I deal with these panic attacks much like you might deal with a sinus infection or a broken arm. I adjust and power through it. If you know me then you have most definitely spoken to me while I was in the midst of one of them. Ninety percent of the time you will never know. The other ten percent? Those are the times when I inexplicably disappear. Maybe I told you the truth. Maybe I made up an excuse. Either way, it was necessary to remove myself from whatever situation I was in and deal with the darkness that had descended upon me.

 

Silence Kills

 

I am grateful that I understand what is happening now. Like so many others I suffered for years in silence. Now that I know it is real I can deal with it. One of the ways I deal with it is by writing. If you are dealing with the panic attacks please share how you deal with them below if you are so inclined. If you need someone to talk to but do not want to do it publicly you can reach out to me at eyeofh@gmail.com. I cannot give you answers, but I can listen—and sometimes that helps.

 

Best,

Dave

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